For reasons unknown, I've received a handful of unsolicited opinions regarding my personality in the past two weeks:
Exhibit A: I have spent much of my life as a wallflower, abhorring the thought of being the center of attention and liberally employing alcohol as a mechanism to overcome my extreme awkwardness in social situations. To this day, I often carefully edit my verbalizations so as not to elicit an unwelcome response from my audience. At times I also struggle to fill awkward silences when attempting to engage another in superficial conversation. Does that sound "chatty" to you?
Exhibit B: I have practiced serial monogamy throughout my adult life and consider loyalty to be one of my finest character traits. I have been largely successful at extricating myself from committed relationships prior to engaging in activities with others (in other words, I don't cheat). I would never, ever put myself in a position of destroying the relationship of others. Does that sound "flirty"?
*sigh*
Okay.
Being in a healthy relationship has done wonders for my self-esteem. Truthfully, my shyness has been gradually eroded by repeated exposure to social situations (without the benefit of alcohol) as a function of my job, particularly since assuming the mantle of supervisor. Successful handling of difficult situations at work helped even more. I recognize, too, that my ingrained "I'm shy" self-perception needs tweaking. I no longer present with the quiet, shy, avoidant disposition that my mental refrain attempts to default to when the question of my personality arises. Good God, how can I reconcile not wanting to be the center of attention while in the midst of writing about myself on my blog? Oh, it's not an indefensible position: I can retort that I carefully select what I will reveal of myself here and take full advantage of the opportunity to edit, delete, and edit some more.
Sure, I commented that "I'm so turned on" by a well-written post over at neurotranscendence. I encouraged weese to show off her "cut" triceps. I even egged on that Gunslinger dude to show us just how sexy he is. *sigh* Maybe it's true: my sense of humor could be interpreted as "flirty." Ah, well. Consider the source. I have the incredible fortune to share my life with a truly remarkable woman. Rest assured, ladies (and certainly gentlemen): As amazing as you or your lovers may be, your relationships are safe from me.
While writing this post, I exclaimed to Suzanne that I simply did not "get" what my coworker meant by "some" Type A qualities. I went to dictionary.com to explore the meaning and synonyms of the term. I ask you, is being a perfectionist, or possessing slight OCD tendencies, considered "Type A"? I made a few more exclamations in my own defense. I might be assertive at work, but not aggressive! Suzanne, after attempting to soften the blow delivered by one of my most-frequently visited websites, finally advised, "Dont get all obsessive-compulsive over this."
I guess it's a little too late for that.
.
One of my favorite friends in blogdom called me "flirty".What the hell, people? While I fully admit--and even embrace--that I am no longer the painfully shy freak I once was, chatty and flirty seem a bit much!
One of my closest friends in blogdom called me "chatty".
One of my favorite friends at work described me as having "some" of the traits of the so-called "Type A" personality.
Exhibit A: I have spent much of my life as a wallflower, abhorring the thought of being the center of attention and liberally employing alcohol as a mechanism to overcome my extreme awkwardness in social situations. To this day, I often carefully edit my verbalizations so as not to elicit an unwelcome response from my audience. At times I also struggle to fill awkward silences when attempting to engage another in superficial conversation. Does that sound "chatty" to you?
Exhibit B: I have practiced serial monogamy throughout my adult life and consider loyalty to be one of my finest character traits. I have been largely successful at extricating myself from committed relationships prior to engaging in activities with others (in other words, I don't cheat). I would never, ever put myself in a position of destroying the relationship of others. Does that sound "flirty"?
*sigh*
Okay.
Being in a healthy relationship has done wonders for my self-esteem. Truthfully, my shyness has been gradually eroded by repeated exposure to social situations (without the benefit of alcohol) as a function of my job, particularly since assuming the mantle of supervisor. Successful handling of difficult situations at work helped even more. I recognize, too, that my ingrained "I'm shy" self-perception needs tweaking. I no longer present with the quiet, shy, avoidant disposition that my mental refrain attempts to default to when the question of my personality arises. Good God, how can I reconcile not wanting to be the center of attention while in the midst of writing about myself on my blog? Oh, it's not an indefensible position: I can retort that I carefully select what I will reveal of myself here and take full advantage of the opportunity to edit, delete, and edit some more.
Sure, I commented that "I'm so turned on" by a well-written post over at neurotranscendence. I encouraged weese to show off her "cut" triceps. I even egged on that Gunslinger dude to show us just how sexy he is. *sigh* Maybe it's true: my sense of humor could be interpreted as "flirty." Ah, well. Consider the source. I have the incredible fortune to share my life with a truly remarkable woman. Rest assured, ladies (and certainly gentlemen): As amazing as you or your lovers may be, your relationships are safe from me.
While writing this post, I exclaimed to Suzanne that I simply did not "get" what my coworker meant by "some" Type A qualities. I went to dictionary.com to explore the meaning and synonyms of the term. I ask you, is being a perfectionist, or possessing slight OCD tendencies, considered "Type A"? I made a few more exclamations in my own defense. I might be assertive at work, but not aggressive! Suzanne, after attempting to soften the blow delivered by one of my most-frequently visited websites, finally advised, "Dont get all obsessive-compulsive over this."
I guess it's a little too late for that.
.
12 comments:
Your words and personality, real or imagined, radiate glee and yes, I sense determination too.
These spaces award the opportunity to expand in ways we might not otherwise.
Healthy relationships (apparently) don't hurt either. :)
Whoever (or whatever) you are--keep on writing to tell us all about it.
It's the real you, baby.
Embrace it!
II have to agree with all three assessments given the limited peek I have had of you. I consider all of them to be a good thing and flirty and chatty significantly temper *some* type A.
It's all good. Now, go crack a bottle of Powers Irish and relax.
hang on hang on... are you telling me you were not being flirty when you commented on my cut triceps... damn. :)
On the contrary, weese, I'm embracing my newfound flirtatiousness! Woohoo!
TOD - Being in a healthy relationship is the single most significant factor in my growth. Experiential maturation at work doesn't come close.
Self-actualization is such a turn-on. You're awesome, girlie. Don't ever forget it.
I'm always amazed by people's perceptions of themselves. I think they get formed early and then don't change, even though we do.
I agree with scout (surprise!), you are awesome. And this post was funny. So you're especially awesome.
Wendy you seem VERY cool to me, but then I really don't know you yet as you don't write here all that much. You DO look very pretty in your pictures so I'm surprised that these folks don't have THAT on thier list!
I look forward to getting to know more of you.
I finally "found" myself once I committed to a relationship with my One and Only. Clarity about what I was doing and how to do it was a wonderful side-effect. Who knew? I sure didn't before making a truly commitment to myself and to her.
It is interesting to learn how others see us, and even more interesting to be able to winnow what is real from what is just "out there."
Thanks for giving us a peak at this winnowing process, Wendy.
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Isn't it NICE to be able to change as we mature? I recognize a lot of myself in your description yourself, and can tell you that in another few years, if you're like me, you will be entirely over the youthful angst and be heartily embracing all that is "you."
There's nothing wrong with a healthy self-edit feature - would that more people ahd it.
"...that Gunfighter dude..."
HAHAHA!
Believe me, Wendy. You are flirty... if flirty can be defdined as having an engaging and playful manner of communicating. It needn't mean anything other than just talking.
I find you to be flirty, but I also know that you are: A) In a commited relationship and aren't interested... and B) A lesbian.
I doesn't mean a thing, pal. Don't think too hard about it.
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