Wednesday, January 31, 2007


I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
~ Douglas Adams

January has simply kicked my ass this year. Not enough sunlight. Too many cold days. And yes, too many deadlines. This week in particular has been a bitch on wheels at work; the type of week when it seems Friday will never come.

But now it's Wednesday... hump day [heh]. The work week is 60% done. And it was the last day of this horrid month. I don't even care if it snows tomorrow.

January can kiss my lily white ass.

Friday, January 26, 2007

There Ain't Enough Alcohol in the World

I heard a little news clip this evening that precipitated a web search for a "Burns Supper". Turns out there's a lot of information on the subject, so let me break down the salient points for you:
  • Scottish bar
  • Formal attire
  • Birthday of Robert Burns (1/25/1759)
  • Recitation of Burns' poetry
  • Dinner
  • Speech
  • Toast
  • Another speech
  • More poetry
  • Singing of Auld Lang Syne, holding hands no less
No offense to Mr. Burns or any poetry fans out there, but this is SO not my cup of tea... nae shot of whiskey. For those who might be tempted by such an event, however, there is one additional detail of note. The menu.

Haggis. If you don't know what it is, click at your own risk. I'm not inclined to detail it here.

You Scots are some sick, sick puppies brave, interesting people. As for me, I'll puke pass.

[Full scoop on the Burns Supper]


Tuesday, January 23, 2007


I happened across a news article today about Isaiah Washington meeting with the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network on Monday, after getting in trouble for calling his Grey's Anatomy castmate T. R. Knight a faggot. I imagine the whole outrage over the slur is fairly well-known by now. I don't find the fact that he met with the GLSEN particularly impressive, or even interesting.

What did catch my attention, then? Yesterday apparently marked the beginning of "No Name-Calling Week". The purpose is apparently "to help schools find ways to eliminate bullying and slurs of all kinds".

Unfortunately, I read this little tidbit scant moments after calling Terrell Owens a "sorry-ass loud-mouthed self-centered over-inflated gotta-wonder-if-he-has-a-little-dick ASSHAT" in an email to Syd.

What do you expect? No Name-Calling Week or not, that ball-dropping, coach-bashing, morale-eroding, shit-talking, "oh-I-hurt-my- finger"-whining waste of an athlete can choke on that fucking finger of his for all I care.

Obviously, with the exception of that... person... I'd totally honor National No Name-Calling Week. Um, yeah.

Perhaps I should mention that January 31st is National Gorilla Suit Day. It helps to know these things in advance, don't you agree?

Hey, speaking of slurs... it's almost time to watch Paula on American Idol. Heh.


Friday, January 19, 2007


As if watching her barefoot on her knees or in that button-popping yellow dress last season on American Idol wasn't enough, I realized today who Katharine McPhee resembles.

I do love me some Jaclyn Smith. Then AND now.


Monday, January 15, 2007

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Moon Over NC

Once upon a time, there was a gnome; a small, faceless, plumber-buttcrack-showing gnome. Actually, he was supposed to be a mooning gnome, but let's not get into semantics. Recently, said gnome traveled to the Outer Banks of North Carolina for some post-New Year's beachy goodness.

Turned out, he was a lech. Look at him muff diving!

He got his, though. That pelican tapped that shit, yo.

Feeling a little violated (or perhaps in denial of his enjoyment), the gnome indulged in a little beer. Unfortunately, it seemed the little guy had a very low threshold.

Worshipping the beer...
worshipping the porcelain goddess.

Fortunately, as with all gay fairy tales, the gnome made a new friend and enjoyed a happy ending.


Friday, January 05, 2007


A few weeks ago, I purchased this little fellow:

You know, just for the hell of it.

I decided to bring him along for the week of perpetual inebriation drinking games cocktail-enhanced relaxation with our friends at the beach.

Turns out one of my single, male, hetero compadres took a real shine to the gnome. After kicking said compadre's ass in fantasy football AND poker, I needed a new way to torment him. The gnome was the perfect outlet.

I saw this one online this morning. At first, I was pissed that I'd purchased the faceless version with less ass exposure.

On second thought, though, the faceless gnome has been through hell this week. The guy with a face, well, that would be too easy.

Sporks... aren't you glad our little sporky friends DIDN'T make the trip?